


Douglas Eiffel gets drabbles written about him when I should be asleep

by thepriceofahat



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Fluffy and sweet, I reject all canon, Let Douglas Eiffel be happy damn you, Trans Male Character, cuz no one ever writes trans Eiffel, nuh uh no way is any of this good I wrote it at six AM on my phone, trans!Eiffel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepriceofahat/pseuds/thepriceofahat
Summary: So basically I'm dummy. I don't sleep. And I live for Eiffel content. So this happened. Probably a lot of trans Eiffel stuff. Don't yell at me. Haven't finished the podcast yet. Can and will take drabble suggestions.





	1. Space is Transphobic

"HELLO IT'S THE LOG OF COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER DOUGLAS EIFFEL AND I! AM! STUCK!" Eiffel cried towards the recorder he was drifting steadily further away from. "You see!!! In normal circumstances binders suck! Suck to get on! Suck to get off! BUT IN ZERO GRAVITY ITS TEN TIMES WORSE! So I'm floating around trying to get this bullshit off!"

"Officer Eiffel I could always contact Commander Minkowski if you're in need of assistance" Hera chimed from the intercom

"Oh no no no! I won't give her that satisfaction!" Eiffel struggled against the fabric a little more. "It's just that! Space! Is! TRANSPHOBIC!"

The sudden fit of struggling sent Eiffel floating across the room again. He sighed and his shoulders visibly slumped.

"Officer Eiffel are you sure-"

"Sweetheart I'm FINE. I just.... Miss gravity that's all!"

About a half hour of struggling proved that Eiffel was in fact NOT fine. And that he was beginning to suspect getting help wouldn't be quite as humiliating as just being found like this.

"Heeeera???"

"Yes officer Eiffel?"

"I think you can contact the commander now."

"I thought you didn't want to give her the satisfaction"

"YEAH YEAH that's out the window I'm really stuck... Just. Get her."

"Alright officer Eiffel."

Within the next five minutes Minkowski made her way to Eiffel.

"How the hell did you even get in this situation?" She laughed slightly into her words

"This isn't funny! Space is stupid! Just help me get it off!"

"Fine fine whatever just cool down"

Minkowski took the fabric firmly in her hand, setting the other on her Eiffels shoulder. She pulled and pushed respectively, succeeding in freeing Eiffel from the fabric slightly. After a couple more tugs Eiffel falls free from the binder and cheers loudly.

"Freedom! How wonderful!" He exclaims as he goes about putting his t-shirt and jumpsuit back on.

"Don't do that again. You're gonna kill yourself doing that" Minkowski sighs

"Not my fault zero g sucks!!! Just... Thanks for that Commander."

"Don't mention it. Anything for my favorite comms officer."


	2. He is!!! Birthday boy!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hehe. He's the birthday boy. Minkowski is one happy bitch

_How ironic_ Eiffel thought to himself _That I was born today. I couldn't just have something random or insignificant but **today**._

"God couldn't my mom have held off a day... Or just skipped birth altogether?" He muttered to himself, pressing his face in his hands as he heard the intercom buzz to life.

"Alright people today's a big day" Minkowski's voice reached Eiffel as he groaned in annoyance. "That would be because on Earth today it would be our Comm officer's birthday. Mr. Birthday boy better get his damn ass over here if he wants to receive ANY gifts at all."

Eiffel felt his chest tighten and his face grow warm. He grinned ear to ear and wiped his eyes quickly.

 _Maybe today isn't so bad_ He introspected _just as long as I have the right people to spend it with_


	3. Ohohoh Ghosts and Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heheheheheeh Douggie boy got himself in some hot damn trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EPISODE 26 SPOILERS EPISODE 26 SPOILERS. DIVERGES FROM CANON.

Eiffel looked down at his body. _That's_ _me_. He thought. _I'm dead_  He looked at Minkowski and Hilbert, his chest filling with a stew of emotions

"Guys? Guys no no no don't cry... Minkowski I'm right here..." He whispered, reassuring himself more than anything.

He choked back tears, reaching out towards Minkowski, letting out a sob as his hand went through. He curled up and hugged himself, hiccuping softly.

"No no I'm here I'm here..."

\---

Eiffel laid midair in the comms office, staring at the ceiling. _Dead_. He contemplated, flipping onto his stomach. _Dead dead deaddity dead_. He checked his wrist for a pulse for the seventh time that day. Still not there of course.

"Hey Hera... Are you there?" He lets out a sad chuckle. "Of course you are... You're always there... I just wish you could hear me... I miss you. I miss talking to you and your stupid witty remarks and our stupid fake flirting... Fake.... Was it even? WHAT WERE WE HERA????"

He flipped himself and throws his arms out in the air.

"I NEVER EVEN ASKED AND NOW IM FUCKING DEAD!! God I-" He broke off into small shaking sobs. His body cold and his bashed heart colder.


End file.
